the Gym

I just do not understand the gym.

Wait, maybe I should rephrase that.

I just do not understand what goes on at the gym.

It’s great to stay fit and healthy but if you are a new comer it can be kind of intimidating to pick up on the lingo. 

But there is a secret language used in the gym and I’ve taken it upon myself to share it with you all.

Why has this never been published before you ask?

Could it be a conspiracy?

Governmental intervention?

A plot to steal the declaration of independence?

The answer just might shock you.

Or maybe I just made this all up and you need to move on with your life.

Or maybe…

 Okay, down to biznaz...

Item #1:

“Burpee”

This is actually not just making large burps and walking around the gym. I KNOW. PLOT TWIST.

It’s actually a maneuver that has 2 purposes.

To make you feel inadequate at pushups.

And to make you feel inadequate at jumping.

Item #2

“Zumba”

a group workout activity that burns fat, kicks up your cardio and kills your dreams of ever thinking you were a good dancer.

Item #3

The Weights area

This is called the 'Testosterzone'. 

Just be warned, that if you are to enter this area to be equipped to thoroughly wash your hands after and to not make eye contact. Remember, They are more afraid of you than you are of them. To fit in, look in the mirror and repeat phrases such as “Whose that gorgeous beast I see in the mirror?" and "Is that you Mr. Bicep?” 

Item #4

Lululemon.

Actually pronounced “lou lull leemon”. This is a French term for ‘stealing your money’. 

Item #5

The Treadmill.

This is where you attempt to beat whoever is next to you in a race that no one knows is going on. 

Item #7

The elliptical

This is the treadmill’s less popular cousin that never gets invited to thanksgiving. Or if you are too lazy to go on the treadmill that day.

Item #8

"Bro, do you even lift"

This is actually a phrase that is often shortened to save time. It is actually: "Brother, do you even lift open the pages of that new Nicholas Sparks novel last night? It was simply divine. I need to discuss my emotions"

So if you hear this, begin to engage them to discuss all the feels you have about The Notebook, A Walk to Remember and the like. You'll be best friends in no time.

Now that you have this guide you will be able to effectively navigate the gym.
So get going! 
Get to the gym, sweat it out and eat 3 protein bars after just to make sure you are building muscle guyz