Tuesday, 17 December 2013

Celebrity Fragrances

I just do not understand celebrity fragrances.

Like who was sitting in a room and was thinking “I want everyone to smell like me. That’s the dream.”

Is it necessary TO SMELL like someone?

Also, the names…I can’t even.

Kim Kardashian: Pure Honey.

Yah…that’s exactly what I want to do. Coat myself in honey. MADNESS. 

Justin Bieber: girlfriend.

Could that not be a more generic name?
I’ll just come out with one called Person by Rachael

Also, the fact that Bruce Willis has a fragrance is just too much for me. I took the liberty to come up with the slogan.

Live fast. Smell nice.

Or One Direction.
“Our Moment”
This isn’t a moment. It’s smelly water. Can we just calm down please.

The commercials are the best part.

They are so dramatic. Like REALLY dramatic. It’s like watching Titanic x The Lord of the Rings, if the orcs were replaced with Meryl Streep and Nicole Kidman. (wow someone should make that movie *mental note to self)

There are meaningful stares in the camera. Some playful blushing.
“This moment is perfect. YOURE perfect. It just doesn’t…smell right.”

Also, I confess I thought “Eau de toilette” meant it smelled like a toilet for a very long time.

Guys, it was a FANCY toilet.

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

Middle School

I just do not understand middle school.

So, it's finals week so obviously I decided to open up my middle school year books. It's procrastination at it's finest.

It unleashed the horror that was my middle school years.
I know, I know. We all go through that 'awkward' phase, but let's be clear-some of us didn't get the gift of gracefully getting through it. And it's not the cute awkward either.

"like omgsh, i was so nerdy. I had glasses and braces".

 No no no it was More like..
"I wear powerpuff girls sandals that are basically orthopaedic because I'm concerned about my foot health." and "carrying around a briefcase will make me look more professional"

Anyways, I was looking at the comments in my yearbooks and I think it paints a pretty good picture of my life in middle school. Normally, people get things like "You rock, don't ever change!" This is what can be found in mine. None of these have been edited. Enjoy.

“It sucks I don’t know your last name”

“Grow up to best the best person ever”

“Guess what. I think I’m the first person to spell your name right! ;)” 

“You deserve to have my email”

“I had ego waffles for breakfast yesterday! Boy was it yummy”

“Keep being a vegetarian” never been vegetarian

“u r da nicest person ive ever seen"

“I met you this year and now im leaving you”

“lol nice fall” thanks

“Hi Rachael. I was tired of Ms. C saying u got a great journal ”

"To  Rache"

“I’m the first to sign”

“Stay Smart Rachael”

“*signs name-when I’m famous this will be valuable”

ANNNND that about sums up me in middle school. 

Tuesday, 3 December 2013

The Bus

I just do not understand public transportation.

Yes, it is great for the environment. YAY for energy conservation!
But let's be real with each other shall we?

Sometimes what goes on in these buses...is just...incomprehensible. 

Exhibit A.
More staring goes on while on the bus than goes on in the Twilight trilogy. And that says something.

Y'all need to stop that nonsense.

Exhibit B.
The bus: where schedules go to die.
When I get off the bus, I'm all like..

Exhibit C.
To be quite honest, there is literally no such thing as personal space. Which is fine...it's just the most uncomfortable thing

or when there is an unexpected turn and you end up accidentally have to lean on someone and they look at you like

Exhibit D.
When people don't move to let you off at your stop.
Exhibit E.
The fact that you are literally sitting in a sauna of germs. Every disease imaginable? Congratulations...
Let's not mistake that public transit is actually great and saves tons of energy. Life is busy, I get it. Take a minute, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.
Well, don't breathe in too deep...remember...disease. If I've learned anything from studying Microbiology it's that disease is everywhere and you probably have one.  Happy Tuesday!